Knock Knock

We know many of the people checking this post have young children of their own. Some of you may already be aware, but others may be completely in the dark. One could argue it does us no good to let the word out. They say we'll lose a distinct competitive advantage by alerting you now. Our reply: "So what?" We don't fear you, why should we? When it comes to elite child athletes, we know we have the #1 Infant ranked by both Scouts Inc. and Rivals.com. Noted recruiting guru Tom Lemming gives our son 5-buhs on a 4-buh scale. The 2007 Battle of the Baby All-Stars competition will be held in March in beautiful Paris, France. We already have reservations at the Motel Six on the Champs Elysees and regional qualifying doesn't even begin until October! Your children, while adorable, don't have the mental and physical makeup to even pose a threat to us.

Our training is already well under way. To work on leverage, our little man wrestles a dinosaur every night! And this is no ordinary dinosaur. The sheer size and ferocity of the Tyrannosaurus Rex? Embryo's Play! The speed of the Velociraptor? I'm sorry, I thought my son needed a challenge! Nothing can compare to the awesome power of a dinosaur that can shoot balls at you from any of 4, yes 4, different orifices. It's a thought that often keeps lesser people up at night. Our son just stands defiant.

In preparation for the obstacle course, we've been working on low-to-ground speed drills. I know some training centers out in Arizona use tunnels to work on just that, but they would just bore our boy. Our specially made tunnel features 4 obstacles, including a musical fish and a mirror! When you are as cute as he is, it's hard not to appreciate yourself in the mirror, but he has his eyes on the prize. Are we tough on our son? You bet. But later in life when the Olympic medals start coming, he'll be thankful for the dedication his parents had!

So, now you have been forewarned. If you want to try your luck, go ahead. Just don't hate us when our son looks down on your kid from atop the crib-podium. Don't go off crying when the PA announcer refers to your 2nd place finishing child as the Lead Chumpzilla or the First Loser. We warned you. Put your ear to the ground. That is a freight train coming and he's gliding on a river of his own drool. You best get ashore now before you get hurt.

It's on!